My Boys Can drive me crazy! Controlling your temper with your children

To avoid the misperception that my boys are well-behaved, enjoyable, respectful little darlings whose company is a delight every waking moment of the day, let me tell you nothing could be further from the truth. Sure I have the upper hand most of the time and I stick to my rules about being a Yes parent and not having double standards and making sure that work comes first etc. etc. but my own moods and my own level of tolerance for their antics can have a big effect on how things go day to day. Sometimes they can really bug the heck out of me. 

I can usually tell when I'm having an off day, when I'm particularly short tempered and am likely to throw a fit at the drop of a hat:

• something they do all the time suddenly drives me nuts. For example, normally they set the breakfast table even though I usually hear "Why do I have to do it?" but some mornings that question will make me want to scream. The first clue that I'm particularly edgy is the instant feeling of anger over something that's routine.
• my tolerance for their behaviour is zero. The horse-play around here is a mainstay and it's usually very amusing to watch because the little one can easily hold his own against the bigger one but some days even a little wrestling can be enough to make me throw both of them outside.
• my mood deteriorates during the day. I start out being a normal parent in the morning but by the end of the day I could put both of them up for sale. 

Learning to control my temper began very early in my marriage because I didn't want to fight with my husband. Besides, it was useless and unproductive (I did try a few times...). Controlling my temper with my kids however, was a different skill. I wasn't dealing with another adult, I was dealing with small children who could not defend themselves verbally or physically. When I get REALLY ANGRY with them I can totally understand why child abuse is so prevalent in our society. It takes determination and strength on the part of the parent to stop themselves from doing real damage to their child. And remember, those harsh words you throw are just as lethal as anything physical.

When I know I'm feeling short-tempered and edgy and something small has set me off, I tell the boys exactly how I'm feeling. "Mommy's not in the mood for any nonsense today so cut it out." Obviously there's a certain tone that goes with these words but the point is, I'm telling them exactly how I feel. 90% of the time they know me as a tolerant, patient, loving parent so they deserve fair warning when that's not the way I'm feeling.

I'll gain control of the situation. If it's something that has slowly escalated, I'll shut it down so the 'source of my anger' goes away completely. For example, they love playing in the kitchen sink but after a while when water is all over the counter and they've got their feet in the water and their shirts are wet, I will have had enough. Instead of flying into a rage which would be very confusing for them I get them out of there, dried off, changed and things cleaned up. I make the source of my anger go away.

Stepping out of the room is a tactic I use in those situations where I feel that rage welling up inside me and I don't trust myself to stay in control of my emotions. Walking into another room gives me those 3 seconds alone to tell myself to calm down or quickly find something else to fill my mind - a distraction no matter what it may be. I will stay away from the boys as long as I feel that overwhelming anger inside me.

Practicing self-restraint and controlling one's temper and being mature and reasonable and loving are very admirable traits that I don't have all the time. And judging by the number of children who are killed every year by their parents, I'm not the only one who struggles with self discipline. It takes a conscious effort, it takes self-control, it takes coping skills, it takes energy and effort, it takes determination. And I'm proud to say my boys have no reason to be afraid of their parents.