My Boys Can walk. Earth hour plans, March 2011

This year with the boys being that much older, we've got alternate plans for Earth Hour tomorrow night. In previous years we've lit the candles and played card games, or forgotten the candles and played catch with the foam balls. It's amazing how much ambient light there is in the house, what with the charge lights from the phones, and digital clocks on the radios, microwave and stove.We rarely experience true darkness here the way I did in Malawi.

Earth hour is a much talked-about topic at their school. They were going to have special activities this afternoon which I'll hear more about when they come home. They are very excited about our plans to go for a walk tomorrow night, probably because I mentioned the hot chocolate we'd be taking with us. We'll walk the neighbourhood and talk about our beautiful planet and all the many ways we can care about it to make things better.

Enjoy your own Earth Hour. If the weather permits, maybe a walk would be a good idea for you too. For me, it will be a reminder of those 5 years I spent in Malawi where almost everyone got along quiet nicely without so many of our North American amenities.

My Boys Can eat what I eat. Not being a double standard parent

I've always been bothered by the expression "do what I say, not what I do". I didn't hear it a lot growing up thank goodness, but when I did I always thought it was ridiculous. The divorced marriage counselor, the overweight dietitian, the chain-smoking medical intern. Do what I say, not what I do.

I'm not a double standard person and I certainly wasn't going to be a double standard parent.

This was easy of course when the boys were very small. After all, a diet of breastmilk doesn't call for a lot of variety. But when they were older and teeth were visible and diets expanded to suit their growing bodies, there was potential for two sets of rules around food; one for my husband and I and one for them. Not the direction I wanted to go. I also didn't want the boys to develop any "food issues" that could lead to skewed perceptions and stresses and insecurities around eating. As far as I was concerned there were no bad foods, just bad amounts.

I've always had a sweet tooth, I've always eaten when I was hungry and I've always eaten whatever I wanted. None of that was going to change just because the kids were around. On top of that I was preparing for Ironman Canada so my calorie intake was impressive and constant. How could I tell the boys not to eat a row of cookies or a bunch of chocolate before dinner when that's exactly what Mommy was doing? 

Not being a double standard parent AND being a Yes parent (see my earlier post about being a Yes parent) went hand in hand rather well:

• when I ate, the boys ate. No matter what time I was eating I always offered the same food to the boys. At night after a ride, mid-afternoon after our rest, while we were making dinner, it didn't matter. If I was eating I was also offering the same food to them.
• no restrictions were placed on food. The boys would see me eating all sorts of things at any hour of the day. Any type of food was fair game and they had the same opportunities.
• most of the time, they would have a little of what I was having to "keep me company". But if they needed a proper meal, I would have them put their treats out first so they knew they could have them later.

And the result of doing this for years? Amazing. Neither one of my boys over-eats. They stop when they are full and since they eat the healthy things first, the stopping usually happens after a small bite of cookie or a few spoonfuls of ice cream. No foods are coveted over others. Since there were never any restrictions related to food and the boys always had access to whatever they wanted (though I would control the AMOUNT they had), things like chips and chocolate or cookies never developed the currency value of gold to be stolen and hoarded when Mommy wasn't looking. Even now when I'm eating these things and offer them to the boys they are more likely than not to say No Thanks.

In our house, food is not a bargaining tool. It doesn't control our schedules. It doesn't dominate our thoughts and emotions. It doesn't control our behaviour.

In our house, Food knows it's place. 

My Boys Can get cavities

I love brushing my teeth so it was easy for me to get into the habit of brushing the boys' teeth when teeth started to arrive.

When they were around the age of about 4, we started the trips to the dentist. Initially it was to sit in the chair and have the hygienist take a quick look around, maybe use an instrument or two. At that point there wasn't anything going on with their teeth and I was delighted that the boys coped so well with the intimate experience of lying back in the chair and staying still while a strange lady poked and prodded.

So you can imagine my horror when my oldest was 5 and the dentist told me he had 7 cavities. SEVEN. I was stunned. How could that happen? My husband's insurance allowed visits every 9 months so it hadn't exactly been a long time since our last visit.

"Elaine" she said, "when my son was 5 he had 8 cavities." 

To be honest with you it never occurred to me that maybe she was a crappy dentist. She's a lovely lady and had always done a great job on my own teeth. She said it can just happen. It doesn't take much for food and sugar to do a number on baby teeth. 

We never have juice or pop in the house but we do eat the cookies and cakes we make. Obviously the brushing I was doing wasn't enough to prevent damage. Forewarned is forearmed so I ramped up the brushing and when my youngest was 5 he only had 2 cavities. Horrible but I'd seen worse hadn't I. About a year later we started using an Oral B Vitality spin brush. It's easier than using a manual brush and does a much better job. No new cavities thank goodness.

And I never thought about putting an end to the cookies and cakes....